Dealing With Fear
Fears, we've all got em'.
I used to be afraid of needles, until I got tattooed. I used to be afraid of clowns, until I worked in a haunted house and was placed directly next to the clown room. Sure, I'm still not a fan of getting punctured at the doctor when they draw my blood and I still avoid interacting with clowns when I have the chance. However, these things don't bother me nearly as much as they once did and for that reason I consider myself victorious! Yes, I still have some fears today. Many of which are completely irrational. Here are a few for your reading pleasure... Sometimes I check the doors 300x before going to bed, I worry about plane crashes and I absolutely dread the thought of drowning. Most of these fears were implanted into my brain after countless hours of movies depicting anything and everything that could go wrong in the world (thanks a lot Hollywood). I am a woman who like any other person, has a small collection of things that I fear.
One day I discovered fear's superior, anxiety. To be more specific, panic attacks. It started off normal enough, I remember the moment crystal clear. It was the night of new years eve a few years ago and my husband and I were driving to a friends house to attend a party. I was driving and all was well until I started getting really hot. I remember turning up the air and trying to wiggle out of my coat while keeping my eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. Then out of nowhere the panic set in. I'm not sure why it happened, maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the way my breathing was speeding up, then the panic set in. I realize this is scene is a bit anti-climatic to read but what I felt was unlike any other feeling I had ever experienced. I cranked up the air and told my husband what I was feeling. I was able to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths and telling myself to relax over and over again. We made it safely to the party that night and the moment passed. Although everything ended up fine and dandy that night, the feeling of panic was new to me and I couldn't get it out of my head.
In the days immediately after the event things continued as normal for the most part. I drove to work everyday and didn't pay it much thought. It wasn't until a while after my first brush with panic that it decided to repay me a visit. I had changed jobs and didn't need to drive much since I could simply walk to work and school. When I did drive the mere memory of the panicky feeling was enough to trigger it again. Before I knew it I found myself in a vicious cycle of associating highway driving with straight-up freaking out for literally no apparent reason. This is the way things usually pan out. I get in the car and begin my drive. Everything is totally fine when I'm off the highway, and there are certain sections of the highway that trigger my negative thoughts and feelings. I've come to the conclusion that my condition is 100% mental because I've done tons of highway driving in the past and never had an issue with it. There's also the fact that I like to consider myself a good driver for the most part. Anyways, I get all-up in my head and even if I'm doing totally fine I have it drilled into the back of my brain that I have to "freak out" at least once during my drive. The feeling is totally annoying and completely frustrating. The severity of the freak outs also vary.
Obviously, I knew this was an issue that I needed to address. I was letting my memory of one incident take hold of me and I wasn't about to let it control my driving life. This horrible mental game I played needed to come to an end. So, I decided to do something about it. I did a quick search on the internet to see if other people had this issue (yeah, I know, don't self-diagnose. Blah blah blah). To my surprise I wasn't alone! Panic attacks while driving appear to be quite common which is slightly terrifying, but it did make me feel a little more normal. I read up on some ideas to cease the issue and discovered that my best bets were to control breathing, repeat a mantra and to envision myself on a safe, panic-free voyage. There was one other vital piece to the puzzle. I had to drive, drive and drive again, no matter how much I didn't want to. The goal is to drive so much that it returns to being a mind-numbingly boring activity.
That's what I've done and am still doing. I've been trying to get out on the road at least once a week and the past few times I've been able to do it *almost* panic-free. I've learned how to talk myself out of beginning to freak out and have started playing songs such as "80s Mercedes" like they're my anthem in hopes that I can brainwash myself into loving driving the way I once did. Things are starting to look up and I'm determined to vanquish this fear with the ferocity of the battle for middle earth.
I'm not quite sure why I felt inclined to share this with you as it's a bit embarrassing. But hey, perhaps by spilling my guts I can help make someone else feel less alone if they're sharing this struggle. It's also my personal belief that writing about things can act as a healing process, hopefully after I press that lovely "publish" button up in the corner all of my worries will be cured! ;)
With that said, get out there and face your fears! I believe in you!
I used to be afraid of needles, until I got tattooed. I used to be afraid of clowns, until I worked in a haunted house and was placed directly next to the clown room. Sure, I'm still not a fan of getting punctured at the doctor when they draw my blood and I still avoid interacting with clowns when I have the chance. However, these things don't bother me nearly as much as they once did and for that reason I consider myself victorious! Yes, I still have some fears today. Many of which are completely irrational. Here are a few for your reading pleasure... Sometimes I check the doors 300x before going to bed, I worry about plane crashes and I absolutely dread the thought of drowning. Most of these fears were implanted into my brain after countless hours of movies depicting anything and everything that could go wrong in the world (thanks a lot Hollywood). I am a woman who like any other person, has a small collection of things that I fear.
One day I discovered fear's superior, anxiety. To be more specific, panic attacks. It started off normal enough, I remember the moment crystal clear. It was the night of new years eve a few years ago and my husband and I were driving to a friends house to attend a party. I was driving and all was well until I started getting really hot. I remember turning up the air and trying to wiggle out of my coat while keeping my eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. Then out of nowhere the panic set in. I'm not sure why it happened, maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the way my breathing was speeding up, then the panic set in. I realize this is scene is a bit anti-climatic to read but what I felt was unlike any other feeling I had ever experienced. I cranked up the air and told my husband what I was feeling. I was able to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths and telling myself to relax over and over again. We made it safely to the party that night and the moment passed. Although everything ended up fine and dandy that night, the feeling of panic was new to me and I couldn't get it out of my head.
In the days immediately after the event things continued as normal for the most part. I drove to work everyday and didn't pay it much thought. It wasn't until a while after my first brush with panic that it decided to repay me a visit. I had changed jobs and didn't need to drive much since I could simply walk to work and school. When I did drive the mere memory of the panicky feeling was enough to trigger it again. Before I knew it I found myself in a vicious cycle of associating highway driving with straight-up freaking out for literally no apparent reason. This is the way things usually pan out. I get in the car and begin my drive. Everything is totally fine when I'm off the highway, and there are certain sections of the highway that trigger my negative thoughts and feelings. I've come to the conclusion that my condition is 100% mental because I've done tons of highway driving in the past and never had an issue with it. There's also the fact that I like to consider myself a good driver for the most part. Anyways, I get all-up in my head and even if I'm doing totally fine I have it drilled into the back of my brain that I have to "freak out" at least once during my drive. The feeling is totally annoying and completely frustrating. The severity of the freak outs also vary.
Obviously, I knew this was an issue that I needed to address. I was letting my memory of one incident take hold of me and I wasn't about to let it control my driving life. This horrible mental game I played needed to come to an end. So, I decided to do something about it. I did a quick search on the internet to see if other people had this issue (yeah, I know, don't self-diagnose. Blah blah blah). To my surprise I wasn't alone! Panic attacks while driving appear to be quite common which is slightly terrifying, but it did make me feel a little more normal. I read up on some ideas to cease the issue and discovered that my best bets were to control breathing, repeat a mantra and to envision myself on a safe, panic-free voyage. There was one other vital piece to the puzzle. I had to drive, drive and drive again, no matter how much I didn't want to. The goal is to drive so much that it returns to being a mind-numbingly boring activity.
That's what I've done and am still doing. I've been trying to get out on the road at least once a week and the past few times I've been able to do it *almost* panic-free. I've learned how to talk myself out of beginning to freak out and have started playing songs such as "80s Mercedes" like they're my anthem in hopes that I can brainwash myself into loving driving the way I once did. Things are starting to look up and I'm determined to vanquish this fear with the ferocity of the battle for middle earth.
I'm not quite sure why I felt inclined to share this with you as it's a bit embarrassing. But hey, perhaps by spilling my guts I can help make someone else feel less alone if they're sharing this struggle. It's also my personal belief that writing about things can act as a healing process, hopefully after I press that lovely "publish" button up in the corner all of my worries will be cured! ;)
With that said, get out there and face your fears! I believe in you!
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