Eat the Cake

Greetings Friends! 

I hope you're all having a splendid day thus far.

Today I want to take some time to touch on a topic that's a bit more serious, eating disorders. Sadly, I've known many people who've struggled with them throughout the years, including myself. 

At first I wasn't sure if I should peg my experience as an "eating disorder" or if that was too extreme. However, the more I thought about it I began to realized that when you constantly obsess over what you're eating your behavior can be described as obsessive. Obsessiveness seems worthy of being associated with a "disorder" so I'll call it what it is. I had an eating disorder, here is my story.

My story started back in 2014. I was the thinnest I'd ever been and I constantly tracked everything I ate on a fitness app. Going out to eat was a disaster. I would frantically search for the restaurant's menu online so I could carefully calculate my entree beforehand. looking back, I have no idea how I got to there, I felt crazy. Up until 2014 I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I had no concern for calories. I didn't ever think about weight nor did I care to hop on a scale. I worked out casually and I lived carelessly and happily. Desserts were always my favorite and I had no issue helping myself to a second serving of cake when the opportunity presented itself. I was lucky and never struggled with my weight growing up.  

Then one day it happened. I began to worry about my weight. I suddenly saw myself as not good enough and thus began the obsession. I worked out as much as possible as a result my waistline began to shrink. Despite obvious weight loss I didn't feel better about myself. Actually, I felt worse. Since I was restricting my food intake I was constantly hungry and crabby. I felt weak and would get headaches. Then there was the added obsession of keeping that weight down.

I can't say for sure but I think something about social media triggered my behavior. Specifically Facebook and Instagram, both sites are constantly flashing the perceived perfection of other people's lives 24/7. I remember literally breaking down one afternoon because my boyfriend (now my husband) wanted to go to a Chinese buffet for lunch. I actually cried because the thought of devouring that many calories had become unbearable to me. I was miserable and I knew my food issues were taking a toll on him too.

I struggled with this issue for months until I took a trip to Mexico. We were staying at an all inclusive resort where the drinks were flowing and the food was endless. I arrived in a YOLO state of mind. I struggled initially but ended up throwing my worries to the side allowing myself to indulge. It was as if a switch in my brain had been flipped. Allowing myself to have free reign again freed me from my mental prison. I was happy, my stomach was full and I was worry free. After I returned home I continued to follow this trend. I allowed myself to indulge when I wanted to and maintained a normal non-obsessive healthy diet.

I'm pleased to say I've been back to my normal weight for almost 2 years now and am happy and healthy. I'm no longer obsessed with such silliness and am back to loving myself the way I am. I realize not everyone who struggles with an eating disorder is as fortunate as I have been. I also realize that there are many different types of eating disorders and this is my own personal experience. If you're reading this you may be thinking, words are just words and it's easier said than done. However, if you are struggling with self-image and are acting out in a way that's self harming please try to take a step back. You can maintain a healthy weight and allow yourself to live happily and freely minus the added stress that being obsessed with eating adds. I know this is a cliche but I'm going to say it anyways.... you only live once so enjoy yourself! Yes, it is important to try to remain healthy and at a good weight for your body but keep in mind that allowing yourself to live happily is part of that healthy lifestyle too! 

On a closing note: Friends, please love yourself. You are great and you are beautiful! No one is perfect and you deserve to be happy! Take things a day at a time and do what makes you feel good.

Until next time, take care and if you want to eat the damn cake!